How Can Parents Recognize and Heal Intergenerational Trauma Through Mental Health

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably had moments where you wondered: Am I doing enough for my child? Am I repeating mistakes from my own upbringing? Parenting doesn’t come with a manual—and often, the way we show love, discipline, or cope with stress is shaped by how our own parents raised us. For many families, this means carrying invisible wounds passed down from generation to generation.

This is called intergenerational trauma—the transmission of unresolved emotional pain, stress responses, and coping patterns from parents to children. Research shows that trauma can echo across decades: children of parents who lived through war, displacement, or abuse may experience higher risks of anxiety, depression, and difficulties in emotional regulation (Yehuda & Lehrner, 2018). In Canada, Indigenous communities continue to feel the lasting mental health impact of the residential school system, with trauma affecting parenting styles and family bonds today (Government of Canada, 2022).

But here’s the hopeful truth: cycles can be broken. By recognizing early warning signs, staying connected with your children, and seeking therapy, parents can stop trauma from traveling further down the line. And often, it begins with small, everyday moments of connection.

Understanding Intergenerational Trauma in Parenting

When parents carry unhealed wounds — whether they stem from abuse, neglect, loss, discrimination, or other forms of adversity — these often show up in their parenting. They may:

• Struggle to regulate their emotions and, in turn, become reactive toward their children;

• Convey messages (intended or not) that expressing emotions is unsafe;

• Repeat patterns (silence, avoidance, punishment) that were used with them;

• Pass along beliefs about worthiness, shame, or fear without realizing it.
  

These patterns don’t mean a parent is failing. Many do the best they can with what they know. But until they become aware, those patterns keep repeating — across generations

Recognizing Early Warning Signs in Your Child

The following quote by a practitioner highlights many subtle but important shifts:

“… if they used to come home … sit down and talk to you … supper with you, and now … they’re coming home and staying in the basement … staying in their room … they’re isolating themselves … not telling you about their day … what’s happening …”

These are signals worth paying attention to. These are the moments where parenting and therapy intersect. In communities that often face stigma—such as immigrant households seeking an Indian therapist or South Asian therapists—parents may hesitate to address these warning signs. But reaching out early can make all the difference in a child’s emotional development.

Other early warning signs include:

• Drop in interest or motivation at school or in hobbies

• Frequent irritability or emotional outbursts

• Sleep disturbances, nightmares, or insomnia

• Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach pain without medical cause

• Risky or self-destructive behavior (substance use, self-harm)
  

Research shows early intervention dramatically improves outcomes. A longitudinal study found that children identified early for symptoms of anxiety or depression who receive support (therapy, school intervention) are less likely to have severe mental health problems later in adolescence and adulthood. (See e.g. Ontario’s community mental health research.)

The Power of “Connection Over Correction”

Coast Mental Health senior director Margaret Flynn say:

“What I’d recommend … is, if parents can stay in a place of connection over correction … Stay calm, stay present, breathe. … supporting autonomy … letting your kid have choice … they have a voice …”

This is powerful. Connection means maintaining trust, emotional safety, and consistent presence. Correction (which often means punishment, arguments, or shutting down emotions) may suppress behavior, but it doesn’t heal the underlying wound.

Ways to prioritize connection:

1. Small, everyday rituals: Even a five-minute conversation, evening meals, walks, a shared activity.

2. Listening without judgment: Let the child feel safe speaking up—don’t immediately fix or criticize.

3. Supporting autonomy: Give children age-appropriate choices; involve them in decisions that affect them.

4. Modelling emotional regulation: Parents taking care of their own mental health—calmly acknowledging when they’re stressed or tired.

Mental Health Therapy as a Path to Healing

Therapy offers structured space to unpack intergenerational trauma and build healthier patterns. Types and modalities matter.

• Trauma-Informed Therapy: Therapists aware of how trauma changes the brain and behavior; avoid re-traumatization.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps shift harmful thought patterns inherited or learned.

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Particularly helpful for processing traumatic memories.

• Family Therapy / Systemic Therapy: Helps the whole family see how past dynamics affect current behavior; allows for healing together.

• Narrative Therapy: Allows parents and children to reframe stories from the past in more empowering ways.

Self-Care and Healing for Parents

Parents often ignore their own needs because they believe caring for others must come first. But to be fully present and emotionally regulated, you need your own healing too.

• Seek your own counselling or therapy to process unresolved trauma.

• Build your support system—friends, community, possibly parent groups.

• Practice stress reduction: mindfulness, exercise, rest.

• Be gentle with yourself: change takes time, consistency, and mistakes are part of growth.

Intergenerational Trauma, Culture & Identity

Culture shapes how trauma is perceived, expressed, and managed. Many families see mental health through different lenses — stigma, spiritual beliefs, community expectations. Recognizing cultural context is important.

• In South Asian families, emotional expression is sometimes discouraged; mental health struggles may be kept private.

• Women, caregivers often carry disproportionate burden of emotional labour.

• Multilingual families may deal with cultural and identity stress — balancing belonging, expectations, generational values.

  
  

Therapy that is culturally sensitive helps: matching language, understanding cultural norms, respecting identity.

Putting It All Together: What You Can Do Now

Here are concrete steps for parents wanting to break intergenerational trauma and build healing:

1. Reflect on your own past: What patterns did you receive? How do they affect how you parent now?

2. Watch for subtle changes in your child’s behavior: Don’t wait for crisis.

3. Open conversations: “I’ve noticed X, how are you feeling about that?” Stay curious.

4. Seek professional help when needed—don’t wait until things are very bad.

5. Choose therapy that fits: trauma-informed, culturally aware, with modalities that feel right.

6. Establish rituals of connection: dinners, walks, shared projects; stay emotionally available.

Canadian Therapy: Trusted Therapists Doing This Work

When looking for therapy in Ontario, especially for intergenerational trauma, it helps to work with therapists who are both clinically trained and culturally sensitive. Two registered social workers who stand out in this field are Preeti Taneja and Nidhi Ann Jose.

Preeti Taneja (R.S.W., M.S.W., B.S.W.) is the founder of Canadian Therapy. She has over 17+ years of clinical experience, working with individuals, couples, and families—addressing anxiety, depression, relationship breakdowns, trauma, and cultural and identity-based challenges. Her practice is mindful of the unique cultural pressures many families face (especially in South Asian communities), and she provides therapy with empathy, understanding, and practical tools.

Nidhi Ann Jose (R.S.W., M.S.W., B.S.W.) is also a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist with Canadian Therapy. She offers trauma-informed care, working with anxiety, depression, identity, cultural issues, and relational struggles. Her multilingual and culturally attuned approach (English, Hindi, Malayalam, Tamil) helps clients express themselves in ways that feel authentic.

If you are in Canada and seeking help for intergenerational trauma in your family, providers like Preeti Taneja and Nidhi Ann Jose are strong options to consider.

Parenting across generations is both a responsibility and an opportunity. Intergenerational trauma may be invisible, but its effects are real—and they can be addressed. By recognizing early signs, choosing connection over correction, seeking therapy, and caring for your own healing, you can build a home where openness, safety, and trust replace silence, shame, and fear. If you, as a parent, start with just one change today — a conversation, a moment of presence — you’re already beginning to reshape the story for yourself and your child. You deserve support, and help is available.